"How to Move on from Mistakes: A Step-By-Step Guide to Letting Go"
Moving on from Mistakes
Takeaway: In this post, I’ll explain why moving on from mistakes is so challenging, and I’ll offer practical strategies to move forward with confidence.
Table of contents
Why is it so hard to move on from mistakes?
Moving on from mistakes is difficult for high achievers for many reasons. Often, high achievers struggle with perfectionism, the belief that they have to do everything “exactly right” in order to avoid a negative outcome.
As a result, making mistakes comes at a very high cost. Not only are they facing the consequences of the mistake itself, but they are also dealing with the fear that comes from failing to be perfect.
Mistakes are often connected to feelings of shame or guilt. Thoughts connected too strong emotions are tough to shake.
Many high achievers have a fixed mindset. They believe that they are “naturally” good or bad at any task. As a result, making mistakes is very closely tied to their sense of who they are as a person. ie: “I’m a failure.” “I’ll never be good at this” “I always screw up”
Perfectionists also tend to over emphasize mistakes. They believe that if they use mistakes as an opportunity to learn, they’ll never make the same mistake again. This is great in theory, but in practice, perfectionists often ruminate on errors and fail to see their successes.
How to move on from mistakes.
To move on from mistakes, you need to tackle all of the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are keeping your thinking stuck in a loop.
Let go of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a set of thoughts and beliefs that tell you that if you aren’t “perfect” then the best things in life will always be out of reach. Perfectionistic beliefs tell you that if you make mistakes, the worst case scenario is inevitable. This simply isn’t true. Mistakes are inevitable, and part of being human. Viewing mistakes as normal and an opportunity to learn makes them much less painful. Everyone makes mistakes. This is reality, and denying reality leads to a lot of anxiety.
Forgive yourself if you caused harm.
Making mistakes often comes with shame, guilt and embarrassment. It’s really difficult to move on from something if we’ve harmed ourselves or someone else. To move forward, acknowledge the hurt or damage done by making the mistake. When you think about the mistake, use this as an opportunity to practice forgiving yourself.
Try this prompt the next time you think about your error: “I am embarrassed that the things that I said/ did hurt X. If I encounter this situation again I will do Y.”
View mistakes as a learning opportunity (Adopt a Growth Mindset).
Unlike a fixed mindset, people with a growth mindset believe that they can gain any skill through education and practice. Through this lens, mistakes are seen as an opportunity to learn and adapt. Mistakes aren’t a comment on your ability as a person, rather they shed light on where you are now, and what you might need to shift to be better in the future.
How to stop obsessing over mistakes.
One of the most distressing thinking patterns that people experience is rumination.
Rumination is a looping thinking pattern that focuses on negative thoughts about the past, present or future.
My clients describe it like a thought loop or a snowball rolling down a hill. They often tell me that they feel like their thoughts are “stuck” on one channel, and it’s really difficult to change it.
Often, when someone asks “How do I move on from mistakes?”, what they are really asking is how do I stop ruminating on mistakes.
Here are my best tips on how to stop ruminating on mistakes:
ACknowledge You Made A mistake
Often thoughts recur or grow bigger when we try to push them away to ignore them. Try this: Don’t think about a yellow Jeep. No matter what, do not think about a bright yellow Jeep Wrangler. Stop thinking about a yellow Jeep driving down the road.
My guess is that your mind is filled with images of Jeeps. To give your mind the command to stop thinking about something, you have to repeat that thought over and over in either words or images. That’s why traditional thought stopping doesn’t really work.
Acknowledging your mistake will allow you to deal with it more directly and move on more quickly.
2. Recognize your Rumination
We think that we are doing a great thing by thinking over a problem or “learning from a mistake”. However, if you haven’t come to a solution after a couple of minutes of thinking about something, it’s likely that you are simply ruminating. Calling this out will allow you to take action and move on to more helpful strategies.
Try saying “I’m ruminating right now. What can I do that would be more helpful.”
3. Take Action if you Can
If you’ve made an error that is fixable, fix it. If you need to apologize to someone or make amends, take action on that.
If you are able to learn something from your mistake, take action on that. For instance, if you’re constantly forgetting to turn the lights off at work, set a reminder in your phone. If you never remember to include an important item in a brief, create a document checklist that you can use before you turn in your next project.
Use your rumination as a prompt to actually problem solve, then use another technique on this list to help you move forward mentally.
4. Change The Mental Channel
Once you’ve acknowledged your mistake, felt your feelings, and problem solved, all that’s left is an unhelpful thinking loop. To escape, utilize gentle distraction techniques like grounding, self-care, or distress tolerance skills.
You could try calling a friend, engaging in a hobby or play a game.
Moving your body is a great way to get out of your head and into the present moment. You could take a long walk, stand in a hot shower, or do vigorous exercise. Engaging the body can help to disengage the mind.
The idea is to get your mind out of the loop and onto something else more helpful.
Looking for more tools to manage your anxiety? Access my favorite strategies here >>
Get Help with Perfectionism and Anxiety
If you’re in North Carolina, Texas or Colorado and you want specialized support healing your perfectionism and anxiety, I’d love to help. Schedule a free consultation today to learn more about how I can you reset your standards and find more joy.
