Takeaway: In this post, I’ll explain why moving on from mistakes is so challenging, and I’ll offer practical strategies to move forward with confidence.  

Why is it so hard to move on from mistakes?

Moving on from mistakes is difficult for high achievers for many reasons.  Often, high achievers struggle with perfectionism, the belief that they have to do everything “exactly right” in order to avoid a negative outcome.

As a result, making mistakes comes at a very high cost. Not only are they facing the consequences of the mistake itself,  but they are also dealing with the fear that comes from failing to be perfect. 

Mistakes are often connected to feelings of shame or guilt.   Thoughts connected too strong emotions are tough to shake.  

Many high achievers have a fixed mindset. They believe that they are “naturally” good or bad at any task. As a result, making mistakes is very closely tied to their sense of who they are as a person.  ie: “I’m a failure.” “I’ll never be good at this” “I always screw up” 

Perfectionists also tend to over-emphasize mistakes. They believe that if they use mistakes as an opportunity to learn, they’ll never make the same mistake again.  This is great in theory, but in practice, perfectionists often ruminate on errors and fail to see their successes.

Takeaway: Perfectionism and anxiety are often linked because perfectionists hold themselves to unrealistic standards, and use these standards to measure their self-worth. Because perfection is unattainable, people often become anxious and overwhelmed trying and failing to achieve an impossible goal. To break free, perfectionists need to reset their expectations and learn to think differently about self-worth. 

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism occurs when we strive for really high (often unrealistic or unachievable standards), and we base our value and worth on the degree to which we are able to meet those standards.

As a therapist that treats high achieving perfectionists, I often hear my client’s say, 

“I can’t be a perfectionist because I’m constantly making mistakes. I’m nowhere close to being perfect”.

Perfectionism really isn’t about “being perfect”.  

Perfectionism occurs when we strive for really high (often unrealistic and unachievable standards), and we base our value and worth on the degree to which we are able to meet those standards.